If you’re in a situation where you’re feeling scared, overwhelmed, and in need of calming but your support options are limited, what can you do? It can be hard to de-escalate when we are alone or in a strange place with no familiar resources available. Fortunately, there are ways we can soothe ourselves to regain composure no matter where we are or what we may be doing. Here are four examples:
1. Controlled Breathing
Few things are more integral to maintaining of our calm and control than breathing. Breathing impacts many areas of the body: from the muscles to the stomach, and even our very minds. When we are feeling scared or anxious, our bodies have a natural tendency to respond by increasing our breathing speed in response to a perceived problem. Rapid breathing is useful when we need to act quickly, but less so if we’re trying to remain thoughtful while under pressure. To begin the process of calming your breathing, repeat the following steps 3-5 times:
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- Inhale slowly through your nose, counting internally, or with a timer, or by tapping your hand, for 4-6 seconds (the exact time does not matter so much as what feels comfortable to you).
- Hold your breath after inhaling for the same amount of time you inhaled for.
- Exhale through your mouth by pursing your lips and blowing out softly as if through a straw. Be mindful about exhaling slowly and, if possible, for at least 2 seconds longer than the time spent inhaling. This will allow your lungs to empty out any excess carbon dioxide and take in more oxygen on the next inhale.
It is also normal to feel some lightheadedness as a result of this exercise. What makes this practice so useful is that it induces your body to go into a near-opposite state from anxiety in the physical sense. Your heart rate slows, your limbs and joints relax, your muscles loosen, and even your temperature may drop slightly.
2. Muscle Relaxation
There are, of course, as many ways to practice muscle relaxation as there are muscles themselves, however, for the sake of simplicity the following routine is usually a good one for beginners.
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- Slowly make a fist with one hand, gradually but firmly clenching it as tightly as you can. Once it’s as tight as it can be, hold for at least 3 seconds, then release.
- Next, do the same with the other hand.
- Repeat back and forth with each 3-5 times over or whatever ever feels comfortable. Additional steps to this exercise can include closing your eyes, and inhaling and exhaling as tighten and release your muscles respectively.
This exercise is especially useful for helping to release stress, or readjusting your attention if you’re having trouble staying focused. Like the deep breathing, it can also be used to help calm yourself if you’re feeling overwhelmed by anxious thoughts.
3. Objects & Sensations
In more challenging instances, when severe emotional triggers, feelings of dissociation, or other symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder are present, grounding awareness in the present is an important coping step for recovery. One way to do this is by consciously drawing your attention to the different physical details and sensations of your current surroundings.
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- First, look around and identify the first 5 colors you see. You do this silently, speaking aloud, or writing on a piece of paper.
- Second, look around again and this time pick out 5 objects you can physically touch.
- Third, identify 5 different sounds all within earshot.
This exercise helps to reestablish a connection with the present and can also reduce anxiety. Other variations on the technique include identifying different smells, plants, or animals as well as mixing in other techniques listed above such as deep breathing.
4. Moving Touch or “Havening”
This technique was developed by US neuroscientist and Harvard Graduate Dr. Ronald Ruden. Havening essentially involves gently stroking one’s hands back and forth from the shoulders to the elbows of the opposite arm. The cross-touch sensation mimics what many of us felt as babies when a parent or caretaker would hold and rock us to sleep. Havening can be helpful when feeling afraid, stressed, triggered, or when coping with issues like touch starvation and loneliness. For a more in-depth breakdown, please visit https://www.havening.org/