As the aftermath of the Los Angeles fires continues to unfold, even those who haven’t lost homes or loved ones are not immune to the tragedy. Large-scale catastrophes may be collectively traumatizing to all within the community and whether or not losses are direct, many of us can and have felt the vicarious grief from these terrible happenings.
In any time of mourning, there are no ‘correct’ emotions to feel or actions to follow. We may each experience different sensations: shock, sadness, denial, gratitude, relief, anger, fear, hope, etc. In such times where our communities are charged with so many different and powerful feelings, it is more important than ever that we also demonstrate solidarity for one another.
Solidarity is the unspoken feeling of agreement among a group with a common interest. It allows for individual burdens to disseminate through empathy and for the communalization of trauma to occur within a community. Below are four examples of how we can help to make this happen.
Reach out to friends old and new:
We don’t need a reason to call someone we’re close with and tell them we’re grateful. While times of crisis can be devastating, they may also provide an opportunity to regain old connections or reaffirm current ones. Whether it’s been two weeks or two years, rare indeed is the individual who is not glad for social acknowledgment. Sometimes the deepest affirmations can come from saying merely, “Hi, I’ve been thinking about you. Hope you’re okay.” Or, “Thanks for being my friend.”
Give back to the community:
As the outpouring of donations, volunteers, and other resources for the survivors of this disaster has shown, there is no shortage of options for providing aid. But what tends to escape notice is that giving for the sake of supporting others is not an entirely one-sided act. Giving freely, as a gesture of support or kindness, without expecting anything in return often leaves behind a sense of altruistic satisfaction within the giver. This can be emotionally uplifting and helps to cultivate new social connections. It can also improve one’s self-confidence. Put simply – it’s nice to be nice!
Allowing for freedom of emotional expression:
Many of us may already be familiar with the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These emotional states are common among individuals experiencing loss and can be expressed across a wide variety of degrees of behavior. What bears repeating is that there is no formula, expected order, or “right” amount of time for these feelings to be felt. Everyone processes grief differently and the degree to which they process is often further shaped by life circumstances. In the present case of the fires, while many people may want to, some may not yet be able to grieve over their losses. They may be in denial or simply too preoccupied with finding accommodations, navigating insurance claims, or other daily needs, to properly reflect on what has transpired.
Regardless of where someone may be emotionally, the best thing we can do is not deny their pain. This is harder than it sounds. All too often, we have a tendency to minimize emotional suffering or suggest to the bereaved that they “try to look on the bright side.” Often this comes from a place of concern – we don’t like seeing loved ones or friends upset. But nothing we can say or do will change the facts. The loss is real. It happened. Acknowledging the pain of a loss matters because doing so honors how important it was to the persons grieving. Only by giving the loss its due value can we eventually heal and move on with our lives after. For those going through this today, the means to help lies not in reducing grief but in sharing its weight together.
Find new reasons to celebrate:
It might seem difficult or inappropriate to feel like celebrating anything right now. In the face of hardship or tragedy feeling happy is a challenge, but that does not mean it isn’t worth trying. Nor should we necessarily limit celebrations to those of public or national status. All celebratory occasions are arbitrary at their fundamental level and whether it’s to mark a birthday, a new job, a friendly reunion, a fitness goal, or even a simple childhood memory we absolutely deserve to feel good about them. Celebrations invite joy and togetherness. They allow for reassurance in times of uncertainty and help to remind us that we are not alone. As we continue to move forward, taking the time to commemorate our triumphs, however minor, is a crucial and effective step to building solidarity and strengthening our communities’ resolve.